By Aaron Emerson
I have heard a lot of people say that relapse is a part of recovery. Even professional counselors have said this to me. It couldn’t be further from the truth, though.
I have recently witnessed this first hand. Yes, I relapsed, and I couldn’t be more down on myself. People are telling me to keep my head up and get back into my recovery, but I let this happen…again. This isn’t the first time I have relapsed in long term recovery.
I had to write this. One thing I have really been proud of in all of my blogs is the honesty that I write with. I have had a lot of people buy my book and tell me things like, “you are an inspiration.” Maybe I am, but the way I feel deep down contradicts the image people see of me, and frankly, I feel like a hypocrite.
That’s one reason I am starting to work on a second book, one that focuses more on how hard it is to live a full life of recovery and talks about the struggles recovering addicts face on a daily basis.
I can’t even look myself in the mirror right now. I am so upset I let this happen and that I didn’t tighten the grips on my recovery when I could feel this coming. But I got so busy with two jobs and working on my book, I brushed it off.
But these are the things thousands of people like me have to deal with everyday. Recovery from addiction is such a blessing, but it’s not easy. That’s why i write this blog, not just to spread hope, but to raise awareness for addiction and what living a life of recovery is truly like. And this is what happens when we don’t make staying sober the top priority in our lives: we lose it.
I have since started going to meetings again and have been praying a lot, but this depression I am dealing with is starting to affect those around me. Thankfully, I am committed to not using, but I really need some prayers.
I will still never give up on sharing my story and raising awareness. After all, that is my life, and a relapse isn’t going to change that. I am going to address everything I need to address and get back on the recovery horse!